sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
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Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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