Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
