im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
