i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
