you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
