It was confusing and full of hummus
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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