Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
