So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
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He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
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xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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