there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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