She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
