I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
