I met the friendliest cop last night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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