bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
