Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
