Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize