If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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