My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
