You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
