Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
