I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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