I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
