Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
