He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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