My sheets look like a crime scene.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
