Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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