it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
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She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize