The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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