did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
