I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
