is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
