even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
