Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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