I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
