no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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