The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
