I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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