When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
