How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
