careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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