1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
