I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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