my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
