Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
