If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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