I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
All I want is dick and wine.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
