Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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