i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
