It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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