Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
