pedialite and red bull = repair kit
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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