How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
