I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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