I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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