I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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