Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
