I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
