At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
