Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
