Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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