i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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