I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
