then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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