To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
