Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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