I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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