Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
