how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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