a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
