my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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