Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
