hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
