At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
