I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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