I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
