smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
When are your genitals available?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
