I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
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A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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