my phone needs a breathalizer
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
