I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
