I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How does one acquire holy water?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
