i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
