you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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