My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
