remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
